Waiting is over - we move forward

It would be silly to think that one month of the "tea" was going to work, but my heart is silly a times. This month was challenging, interesting, at times miserable and did not bring about conception. So, we move on. Romans 15:13 says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit". It is not easy to remain hopeful, but I try my best and seek the Lord's strength when the sadness tries to overcome me.

The only thing I can tell you for SURE the tea did for me this month was a) gross me out every time I drank it, and b) cause my face to break out so bad I look like a 13 year old going through puberty! Man oh man it is terrible!!! Nothing I do clears up my face and it's really gross!!! I am so careful with my face....I NEVER go to bed with makeup on and when I come home from work everyday, one of the very first things I do is wash the makeup off my face. So you can imagine how traumatic it seems for me to feel so out of control with this!!! I took a few days off from the "tea" as I got closer to the end of this cycle just to test out whether that was the actual cause or if it could possibly just be from stress. Well the face started clearing up so I know its the tea.

I know that I can let go of my vanity enough to suffer through some terrible skin condition for a time if the end result is conception, which is the ultimate goal anyway. But, just to be sure that I'm not having some type of harmful reaction to the tea, I've brought it up AGAIN to the doctor to make sure he is comfortable with me continuing on the tea. I will not enjoy having skin issues on my face but if it is a unpleasant side effect that I must endure in order to conceive, well then I will just apologize now for how I must look. =)

Waiting

With the completion of my first month of my new baby making regiment comes.....waiting. Will this be the month? Will I have to take the tea for another month? I like to say I have patience....but not this month!

A boy and his KTM

Totally off from the "baby making" stuff, just wanted to give an update on Craig. He finished out his FTR season with a 4th place overall finish. He was moved up halfway through the season from the B class to the A class. He was kind of bummed about this since he was well on his way to winning the season for the B class. But he accumulated too many points before the season halfway point and they moved him up. And to be completely honest, his times are fast enough that he really should have been moved up. That doesn't change how disappointed he was since moving into the faster class would mean no more championship.

I was beyond impressed with how well he did in the A class and he improved every week. He really enjoyed the season and is on fire to train and get stronger and faster for next season. I'm happy as long as he finishes each race in the same condition as he was at the start. No injuries makes this girl smile...a top 5 finish doesn't hurt either! So proud of my boy and can't wait to see how he does next season!

The "TEA"

Ok....the tea. Where do I begin? I guess I will start by saying that Dr. Zoll did warn me that it will be bitter and will not taste very good. He said that he does have patients that by the end of the first month taking it they said they don't mind the taste anymore. I was prepared for bitter, not pleasant to the palate...I was not prepared for the most vile thing I have ever put in my mouth!!! Ew! There just really are no words for how gross it is. I wish I could give out shots of it to everyone so that you can truly taste my pain with me.

I got the tea and on my designated start date got all prepared to take it. I warmed it up by placing it in hot water for 5 minutes. I put it in a cute little tea cup. My first reaction was that it looked "think" and smelled rancid. I kept trying to figure out what "herbs" I was smelling. I thought, no biggie, it's like 6 oz., I can do this. Oh my word...first sip (and I did take a tiny sip to start) was nasty. I took another tiny sip....just as gross. I thought well we better get on with this or I'll never get it all down. I took a huge drink....at this point my throat closed up on me and the tea went no where...just sat in my mouth, making my eyes water and burn and making me want to vomit. I finally swallowed but it immediately started coming back up. Lord only knows how I got that cup down. I gagged after every swallow. Now I like to think I'm a fairly intelligent person but why I didn't think to simply down it in one breath is beyond me. I was seriously wondering how I was going to get this down twice a day for 30 days.

The second attempt at drinking the tea was no better. I started plugging my nose for the swallow, but as soon as you breathe you taste it so that was really a stupid plan. The third time I took it, I thought...I'm going to take my time. I made a bath, lit some candles, got my book and some water and took my tea to the bath. I thought I would just sit there and relax and sip my tea.

Again, not smart idea. Relaxing did nothing for the taste...I gagged after every sip....Craig is laughing from the other room because he can hear me violently gagging while I "relax" in the tub. On the third sip, I proceeded to vomit into the tub....GROSS. I couldn't get out fast enough but it didn't matter, I now smelled like vomit. So far this tea is WINNING and I am a huge loser!

Thanks to all of my wonderful FB friends I was given several things to "try" to help me get the tea down. I used all of them....coated my mouth with peanut butter, followed with crackers, chocolate, chewed Big Red gum first. Yes they helped me get it down but I finally realized that for me, the gagging became mental. The only way I was assured to get it all down and keep it down was to shoot it. So thank you Erica for pushing me and making me try it because that is how I am now onto day 22 of my tea. I heat it up, plug my nose, drink it in one breath and chase it with water before I breathe again. Yes it still is the most vile thing ever and no I will not be one of those women who tells Dr. Zoll that I didn't mind it so much by the end, but at least I get it down and it stays down and shooting makes it like pulling off a bandaid....quick but certainly not painless.

I take the tea twice a day, DHEA, CO Q10, melatonin, Renshenfengwangjiang (ginseng and royal jelly in a honey base...mixed with water...it's not bad) and it's a chore....BUT, if it works, then it will all be worth it AND I'll have great stories for my child about what I did for him or her (or both...lol). In case anyone is interested in what exactly is in my tea, I posted the ingredients below!

Liquid decoction: Herbal formula

Wu Zhu 5 g

Dang Qui 10 g

Chuan Xiong 10 g

Bai Shao 10 g

Tu Si Zi 10

Bi Ji Tian 10

Ren Shen 10 g

Gui Zhi 10 g

E Jiao 10 g

Mu Dan Pi 10 g

Shen Jiang 15 g

Gan Cao 6 g

Ban Xiao 10 g

Mu Dan Pi 10 g

A Gift from The Lord

It's been awhile since I did an update and there is so much to share. I will try to touch on everything that has happened.

First, I found a doctor in Boca Raton, Florida that specializes in Chinese medicine and acupuncture. I originally called to obtain two free books he lists on his website he will send if you call and request them. When I called, the lady who answered placed me on hold and next thing I know, I hear "This is Dr. Zoll, how can I help you". Well needless to say I was initially taken aback...I wasn't sure what to say and kind of stammered around for a second...awkward! I finally was able to spit out why I was calling and he said he wanted me to tell him a little about myself and what I was looking for in contacting him. I can't begin to remember what all I said to him but over the next 35 minutes we talked on the phone. He immediately "saw" things in what I was saying that he could work on and wanted to have me send him all our medical records and set up a phone interview. I was so excited. I felt like finally someone was going to be able to help...to give me answers! I set up the appointment and got to work on getting my medical records sent to him.

Now, this interview was not going to be free. After discussing it, Craig and I agreed we would go forward with the interview and pay the fee simply because we wanted to see what he had to say and if he thought he could help us.

So the interview took place....an hour and thirty minutes!!! How many doctors do you know who spend that much time with a patient?! Granted I did pay out of pocket...no insurance co-pay here...but still!!! I was impressed. He had reviewed our medical records and was prepared and ready to discuss what he thought he could do. He had me again walk him through our fertility journey that had brought us to this point, he asked me a million questions about myself and my health. Questions that no one has every asked and that after answering them made me think...."why has no one ever asked that before". I was beyond impressed and just giddy with excitement.

At the conclusion of the interview he told me, yes, I can help you! PTL...whoohoo (i didn't yell that...just internalized it). He was going to come up with a plan for us and would be in touch. Well fast forward to the plan....holy expensive. Granted, not as expensive as some of the fertility treatments we did in the past but still, money we did not have. We stepped out on faith and purchased some supplements he had recommended we start on right away, some for both Craig and I. The "big" ticket item was going to be this personalized "tea" that is a combination of herbs that are cooked in their purest form by a pharmacist, placed in vacuum sealed pouches and I was to take 2x a day. I was told it could be anywhere from $300 - $600 a month. Yikes!!! We didn't have that kind of money! Sure we had filed for our trade name but had not yet started our fundraising efforts.

I began to pray that the Lord would make it affordable for us if it was His will that we continue with the tea portion of the doctors plan for us. I didn't want to move forward just because I was excited and hopeful. I really wanted to feel like it was HIS will for us. Dr. Zoll told me to call the pharmacy on a particular date and time, speak to his contact, and they would give me a number based on my personalized prescription tea. The pharmacy is in New York, NY and run by a licensed pharmacist and Chinese medicine pharmacist (not sure that is the proper name for his title...). He told me that if the price they gave me was just way too much and out the question that he could call his contact and see what they could do about it. I prayed as I waited for the day I was to call.

Prior to my calling for the price of my tea, I received a blessing in the mail and an answer to prayer. It was such an amazing gift and it's true value wouldn't even be seen until later. A check and a note - a selfless gift given out of love. Craig and I were truly humbled by this gift. My sister and brother-in-law, feeling led to help Craig and I, in faith sent us a check. How they came up with the amount to send is only of the Lord. We can not thank them enough for the gift they gave.

Fast forward now to the date and time I am to call for my "price" on the tea. I make the call, anticipating the worst (which is strange for me since I am usually such an optimist) and I get the price for my tea. When I said earlier that the true value of the gift we received would not be realized until later....well that moment they gave me the price was the exact moment I realized the true value of that gift. And when I say it was of the Lord...truly the Lord's prompting in what amount they felt led to send...well it's the truth. You see, the money my sister and brother-in-law sent covered the price of the tea and shipping and I had 5 cents left over!!! How amazing is that?!!!

With the Lord providing, I gave the go ahead for them to "cook" my tea and send it to me! Our journey was about to begin with Chinese medicine and herbal tea...I was so excited. I was also just beyond amazed at how awesome our Lord is in providing exactly what was needed. Not sure if that little miracle was just to remind me that He is always in control or if it was his way of saying...this is your time, I'm going to make this work for you now. I like to think it was all of the above, I guess we will just have to be patient and see though.

I told my mom the story of the Lord providing the money. She was just as excited as I was. Now mind you I did not tell her how much the gift was, how much the tea was, nothing. Just the story of the Lord providing. After we got off the phone, she called me back awhile later. She wanted me to know she had called to tell my dad the story and that he told her he had been setting money aside for Craig and I too. She told me the amount they were going to be sending me that week....want to know how much it was? Well the number is not important, except that again the Lord was providing for the next month of tea (if its needed...since you never know if it will only take one month). As I think of all that He has done for me, this children's Sunday school song keeps ringing in my head: Our God is so Great, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing our God cannot do!